Ode to Loved Ones

Last year for my birthday, I wrote a love letter to my younger self, reminding her of all that was to come. This year’s love letter is for my loved ones, for all who got me to and through this year. 

Mom, Ma, Mama, Madre, Laboss – This past year made me realize how I got through so much because of who you raised me to be. My work ethic, my respect and compassion towards others, my patience, my ability to get it done when I have no choice but to, and faith through trials, joys, loneliness, and overwhelm. 

So much of who I am, is who you quietly instilled in me to be. Without force, without yelling, sometimes without words at all, which has transformed the work I do with clients, how I show up in relationships with others, and with myself. You teach me how much presence is enough. And I’m forever grateful for your presence over the past year, and my whole life of course. But your presence has always simply been enough. 

Friends – Where do I even begin? How do I even encapsulate all of you and what you all mean to me? Similar to my mom, your presence, too, has always been enough. Sometimes we share memes, sometimes we are sending a “check in” every day or here and there, sometimes we’re grabbing a drink, sometimes we’re getting Jarritos or LaCroix’s instead, some of you walked or talked with me when I couldn’t run for 3 months, we share songs, and stay on facetimes too long. 

Some of us have to stick to the scheduled plan while others can pick up the spontaneous meetups, but the time spent together is all the same. Friendships look a lot different in adulthood. Our lives may not completely align and our roles may have changed, but I’m grateful that even when things look completely different, our hearts and intention to support each other remains the same.  

Siblings & Niblings – We’ve all been through it this past year, that’s fasho! And we are all still growing in so many different ways. I’m grateful for the hard conversations, sometimes ones we never want to have but should, for the check ins too. And mostly for the laughs. Because that’s one thing we’re all gonna come back to even if it’s making fun of each other lol. We have to stick together. Sisters, brother(s), and all our lil kiddos we look after and end up raising too. We all need a village and we’re lucky enough to have this big one. Love ya goons. 

Dads – Papa & Slow. I love both you leos so much. 

Papa, as I grow older, I see more and more how we don’t just look alike, but also really are alike. From knowing tunes of music from every genre, our love for sunshine and sunflowers, and a fervent desire to be connected in family and humanity. I love that about us. 

Slow, Crazy, silly goof. Not a day goes by that you aren’t cracking a joke, even in the most inappropriate times LOL. No topic is off the table when it comes to you and I’m grateful I know where to always find a laugh even on the hardest of days. And thanks for calling in the mornings to make sure I’m not oversleeping, even though I still do like I did for the sunrise today. 

My therapist – Who may or may not ever see this. GURLLLLLLLL. What would I do and where would I be without you? And she’d tell me, “exactly wherever you are meant to be, still trying your best and being your authentic self”. She has been *walking* beside me on my mental health journey since my sophomore year of college. I know I could and would have made it here without her if that was God’s plan, but I am a firm believer God made sure she was a part of the journey. Whenever I am doubting myself, my boundaries, and who I am, she is quick to remind me and quick to make me say out loud that I am capable, strong enough, and worthy enough to fully be who I am, to accomplish all the dreams I desire, and how much I truly am loved by the people in my life. Weird how easy those things are to forget. 

My “old ladies” writing crew – I’m so lucky to share and learn from all of you. I love how much life comes from sharing our stories of laughter, heartbreak, grief, joy, and celebrations. You all continue to remind me that my words and thoughts are worth sharing. You are my inspiration and hope and I love all of you to life!

Auntie Gladys & Uncle Philip – you two.  Two people whose parties held both sides of my family together. Two people who were a joy to be in the presence of. Two people whose homes were always filled with family and friends, laughing, sometimes too much smoke in the air lol, but two people who were like glue for everyone coming together. Thank you both for the examples you set and all the love you shared. We miss you both and are always remembering you. 

Honey Boo – We have not stopped calling your name. The house feels so empty without you. But we know your little sassy spirit is still here. Dad thinks he’s getting bullied and outnumbered because you aren’t here to sass everyone around. Ma and I just roll our eyes, laugh, and still well up with tears thinking of you. I’m so grateful for you, little pup pup. You will be the sunshine of my life forever. 

So much has come and gone in my last year of life. Some losses and some gains, and a whole lotta hard lessons learned. Sometimes I struggled to imagine what the future days would look like and how I would get through. But here we are. I wouldn’t have made it without a lot of you.

Here’s to the next rotation around the sun. As always, the sun will rise and we will try again. 

Thanks for reading.